The problem with Batman is the same problem I have with [ugh] Superman – he’s far too ‘Mr Goody Two Shoes’.

Of course, this is true of Batman to a lesser extent – but both of these good guys are too… Virgoan.  They’re way too judgemental and righteous to be fun guys with whom anyone would want to hang out.   Sure they’ve got all the gear and toys and bells and whistles.  But they’re also the kind of guys who wouldn’t let you play with anything and they’d tell you so in a condescending, superior manner.

For any more Batman movies to be remotely interesting, filmmakers [Chris Nolan take note] have to consider the following:

1)      Forget about making Batman cool – he’s not.  He’s a dude in a dodgy disguise who’s scared of women and hangs out with underage dudes in costumes.  Batman is not a ‘dude’ in any real sense of the word cos he doesn’t even come close to the real Dude in The Big Lebowski.  So the writer/directing team should just concentrate on the bad guys like The Joker and make them as interesting as Heath Ledger made his villainous character.  Only the villains count in Batman movies.  Every other character is just filler – Batman included.  Batman is also the least interesting role Christian Bale has ever played.  He did a good job with limited material.

2)      BUT – Batman can save himself from permanent disability as a do-gooder by getting the filmmakers to put him in a movie with Catwoman – where he falls for her charms and goes to the dark side working for the forces of evil for more than half the movie.  Take a leaf out of the Samson and Delilah fable from the Old Testament.  Let’s see the first act where a stoic Batman resists her increasingly seductive attempts to lure him to the dark side and get him to a point where – like any mortal man, which he is by the way – he can no longer resist.  And the whole of act 2 is about him working for the underworld of Gotham city.  Then I’d accept he could have a change of heart, come up for some clean air and get the hell out of Dodge.  Then by breaking up with Catwoman and saving the city, he’ll save his own soul from eternal damnation by the person who judges him the most – himself.

Now tell me you  DON’T think my storyline for the Bat hooking up with the Cat is better than him just being a boring good guy from start to finish.

I frickin’ dare you.

It’s time for the Batman to get in touch with his inner bat and get diabolical, maniacal and make it biblical.

I’m waiting.