The Best Things About THE AVENGERS

The Best Things About THE AVENGERS

Nick Fury’s leather coat making him look a lot like an African-American Neo from The Matrix.

Nick Fury’s eye patch. 

Scarlett Johansson in one of her better roles but still not as good as she was in Lost In Translation.

Thor is premiere-ready any time of day or night as he wears a long red carpet round his shoulders all the time even during fights to the death.

Thor’s voice – Chris Hemsworth sure sounds like a strong, able man when he speaks and he is capable of way more syllabic content than the Hulk.

The Hulk is the one true representation of US foreign policy ever since they dropped one on Hiroshima (and Nagasaki).

Loki has no real need or reason to fight so hard on Earth for…what?  Earth is kind of a backwater for a celestial god – it’s like Donald Trump fighting to own a swamp.  The fight sequences are worthwhile with Loki but the prize if he wins is a bit meh.  Not that I’ve got anything against Planet Earth.  I love Planet Earth.  But I’m a mere mortal capable of living on only this planet [arguably] so of course I would love it.

Poor old Jeremy Renner has to make do with a bow and arrow and becoming some kind of atomic Robin Hood cos his arrows seem to be tipped with some kind of nuclear power.

There are some lol lines but they are mostly the characters making fun of themselves.

It’s all up to Iron Man.  He was the most gadgets and weapons at his disposal, he’s arguably the smartest and he can fly out of trouble really, really fast.  He also has the lion’s share of funny lines.

Loki’s costumes – now this is one dude who knows how to frock out and frock hard.

And Captain Who?  Thanks for making up numbers, buddy.  He’s about as anachronistic as wearing a wristwatch.  And so painfully self-righteous (like US Foreign Policy).

I liked The Avengers and it’s great to see not one but two bigger-then-Ben-Hur blockbusters out around the same time making us all feel confident that America can still save the world (the other one is Battleship).

It’s another fine example of Hollywood flexing its many 3D steroided muscles and spending $220m in the hope that we will spend $17.50 to see it. 

Just as we are in shock and awe by how much Hollywood is willing to invest to impress us, I hope Hollywood is in turn humbled by how much we are willing to invest to see it.

It’s not a film for the ipad.  This is a big screen experience.  Would have been nice to have a more compelling story.  But hey, when you’re looking at the decorative icing, no one’s thinking about the cake inside.  And this is one movie that doesn’t skimp on the icing.

We’re gonna be all right, folks – all thanks to the Avengers!

Here’s the trailer: